I look back and try to remember


I sit in this court room and I stare at you straight in the eyes as your  sitting in front of  that judge saying flat-out lies about me in order to get you to gain full custody off our son.  As I’m hearing him say the words bad mother and I leave him alone all the time I start thinking about the day he was born and how proud we were to bring this boy into the world. You looked at me and said that I was a great mom to my daughter and how proud you were to have me as the mother of our son. My kids are beautiful souls today and that is because I loved them and raised them with their dad… So how can you try to steal that away from me? How can you risk me loosing my son today saying false things about me? How can I have made a choice to marry a man who would one day try to destroy my character all so he could look like he’s the hero to cover up his lies and affairs that ruined every kindness that we had left for one another.

I can not believe how much hate this process brings out in people. Its mean and evil and cruel, especially  to couples who are trying to salvage whats left of their relationship in order to co parent when it’s all over.  But how can that even be possible when two people have to go to war because the lawyers start putting ugly messages in our head or new ideas on how to fuck the other person over. It’s just crazy and it has changed me forever. I don’t think that I will ever be able to find peace with him after all the hurt and pain this has caused me . I will never be able to look at my life with him the same again. Something that started out so fun and fresh and happy, ended with such hate, rage, greed, selfishness and pain.

Divorce is an ugly ugly process and I don’t wish it on anyone. It hurts my heart for my kids to see how hateful mine has become. And I hope someday I will be able to move on once this divorce is over and start living without him in my life and space anymore